an average girl's diary

8:52pm: oh and one thing that really annoys me about the blog is that i never know who's looked at it. and there are blog stats, which makes it soo annoying because i can see how many people have seen the blog or even specific posts, but i have no idea who they are. blah. (so please comment if you do take a look?)

8:45pm: wordpress blog
so i started a wordpress blog. i'm not sure if that was a good move or not yet. i wanted to reach a broader audience than the few people i know who have lj, but then again, you guys are much more likely to read what i have to say than other friends and family who won't necesserily think about checking a blog...

so we'll see. but in the meantime, if you guys are interested the blog address is http://clicksmile.wordpress.com

i just posted an entry.

but in more chatty news, i'm basically chilling in hilton head. chilling of course including my never ending list of projects, but still. it's been good. right now i'm having difficulty getting the motivation to organize and put together some sort of conclusion/presentation about my photo project from this past summer. i got loads of money from princeton but i feel like i kind of failed. hopefully they won't get too mad.

1:49am: I  thought about posting earlier about how much I thought I was failing at life, but I think I ended up just working instead. Then I took more time to reflect on the huge failure in my life and actually ended up writing about it on the Student Volunteer Council's Reflections Blog, so if anybody wants to check it out - http://svcreflection.blogspot.com/

I've been relatively lonely and unfulfilled lately. But Princeton is still a pretty amazing place.

8:35pm: Will the Humanities Save Us?
 I just got back (not to my room but rather to my favorite library) from a dinner discussion hosted by the philosophy department on "Will the Humanities Save Us?" It was really interesting, and I felt like I was learning a lot at the time, but now I realize that I've already forgotten most of it. Or at least buried it in my subconscious. As nerdy as it is, taking notes really helps me. But awhile back I thought that maybe I should go to these discussions/lectures and then just try to write up a summary soon after so tha whatever I remember is what I actively remember.

But really what made the evening was talking with Olaf, probably my best friend here, post-discussion. I'm so lucky to have met him. He was talking about how he didn't speak because he doesn't really think that the humanities have meaning in and of themselves but rather that it's one's attitude in encountering them which determines the outcome of reading them (and what "them" means is another topic of itself). Which really is true about almost anything. But what he was frustrated about was this "humanities sequence" he's doing in which he says most people don't approach the text as he does, with the purpose of "discovering the meaning of life", as corny as that sounds, but rather just to "do" the humanities in a very traditional academic way. That's why I'm really excited about next year, because in the semester intensive I'm doing at the yoga center one of the five core "courses" (and I mean that in a very loose way) is "self-study and contemplative traditions." So I'll get to read, really read, classic, wonderful texts with people who are approaching them as such - tools for self-study and contemplation, without any external pressures. Because one of the points of the discussion tonight was that we have the luxury here to study without too much external pressures, such as the need to find a job. And while I completely agree with that, (see next paragraph) I also think that there are quite a lot of external pressures at a place like Princeton, both from the institution itself and from the students who go here, to "do" something, both while here and after leaving. Doing something entails making a difference, whether in a social context or even in a business context, and the humanities stray a bit from that, or at least a personal examination using the humanities.

Another interesting topic Olaf brought new light to for me was the idea of luxury and guilt. At some point, I believe last year as I considered a gap year, I felt an extreme amount of guilt at the fact that I am so privileged to be able to attend such a wonderful institution as Princeton. What Olaf said is that really it is a luxury to be able to eat, to wear clothes, to work, etc, even to go into business as a parallel to what one does after studying a "practical" subject such as economics as opposed to "useless" subjects. So what makes things actually "luxury" depends on a couple of conditions. 1) excess 2) gratitude. And I believe (at least in my opinion) I try to maintain a philosophy of moderation in terms of "luxury" items (although of course this is incredibly variable) and definitely have a deep sense of gratitude for my life.

So now that I've reflected a bit I better "do" and get to work, remembering that it is a luxury to be able to indulge in such work. Writing essays is slightly painful, but it really is a fantastic way of thinking through ideas.

11:53pm: http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?pid=97525&l=2d752&id=501344192

This is my new home away from home. I've fallen in love, with the physical place, its surroundings, the food, the people, all I've learned, and most importantly, yoga. I've been here one week, and it's been the single most transformational week of my life. It's been intense. I feel such an overwhelming feeling of gratitude that I've been able to come here, and that I still have almost another week left.

4:45pm: Did you know that in 31 states, it's perfectly legal to fire someone for being gay? Or that in 39 states it's legal to fire someone for being transgender? I think that's wrong.

If you do too, take action at: http://www.passENDAnow.org

4:54pm: Make a difference when you chat with MSN
Sure, it's an advertising gimmick, but most of you guys use msn already, so check this out. It will take two minutes to add one of the following codes (below) to your msn display name, and when you do, part of the proceeds that msn makes from advertising will go to the organization of your choice:

*red+u	American Red Cross
*bgca	Boys & Girls Clubs of America
*hsus	Humane Society of the United States
*naf	National AIDS Fund
*mssoc	National MS Society
*9mil	ninemillion.org
*sierra	Sierra Club
*help	StopGlobalWarming.org
*komen	Susan G. Komen for the Cure
*unicef	U.S. Fund for UNICEF

"i'm making a difference

i'm is a new initiative from Windows Live (TM) Messenger. Every time you start a conversation using i'm, Microsoft shares a portion of the program's advertising revenue with some of the world's most effective organizations dedicated to social causes. While there is no set cap on the amount each cause can receive, Microsoft will make a minimum $100,000 guaranteed donation to each of the nine organizations during the first year of the program. The more i'm (TM) conversations that happen, the more donations that happen. The sky's the limit.

So any time you have an i'm conversation using Windows Live Messenger, you help address the issues you feel most passionate about, including poverty, child protection, disease, and environmental degradation. All you have to do is join and start an instant messaging conversation. Microsoft handles the donation.

Visit http://im.live.com to join and get more information."

11:40pm: No time to update, but I wanted to post the last three days/photos for project 365. I think I might try to keep it up, because shooting really does make me happy and I haven't been doing enough of it recently, so this will give me some structure and challenge.


One of the most difficult things about this project is deciding on ONE image to post. I think I'm going for a combo of artistic and meaningful, with some leaning more in one direction and some in the other, depending on the day.

12:46am: Cooking/baking adventures with Will
I ate far too many chocolate chip cookies. Or at least too much dough. And I was doing so well eating healthfully! ah well.

It was a fun evening. Will came over and I fixed him dinner while he put together a playlist for me :) Hehe, we're like a married couple. Then the cookie baking catastrophe. I am a terrible, terrible cook. First of all, I put the butter in the microwave for a bit on the tinfoil it was wrapped in, so that like, blew up. Seeing fire in the microwave was a bit disconcerting, but it was only for a second, so no damage done. Then, for some reason I read 4 tablespoons instead of cups of flour, which I thought was odd, but went ahead with, and so the first batch of cookies were... well... not cookies. More like possom vomit, as described by Will. After adding more flour and oatmeal we stuck them in the oven again but they failed again, at which point Will figured out that I had also put the stove on as if it were Celcius (which I figured it was since we are in Japan after all) when it is actually a Farenheit stove. Oh dear.

But third time is the charm, so I did end up with 80+ yummy oatmeal chocochip cookies to dole out to my kiddos and maintaince people tomorrow, my last day of work.

I've been thinking about doing Project 365 since... yesterday? and Will suggested that I start with the photo of our first failed batch of cookies (his first reaction to the ridiculously non-cookie coookies was - get your camera!, which I love) and continue all year with photos of failures. You know, to really boost my self-esteem first year in college. Well, I don't think I'll do that, but I do want to try this project, so are my first two images, one from yesterday at "work" (quotation marks because it really is quite chill/fun) and the cookies from today.

that took me awhile to figure out. and when i held shift it didn't keep the proportions, so those might be off, but i just wanted to get these posted. i really gotta get to bed so i can at least get a few hours.

1:21am:

I seriously need to take some me time. I've been the busiest I've been in a very, very long time, perhaps ever.  So yeah, actually no time to do a proper update, but I just wanted to take a few moments to say that I haven't updated because I literally haven't had time. Hope you all are having fun at all night karaoke! But not too much fun, because I'm not there :(

TGIF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I think tomorrow is the most TGIFy I've felt all year.

11:56pm: I had a lovely afternoon/evening. I almost prefer such times to events such as prom/afterprom which are hyped up to be awesome. I wasn't sure what I was gonna do afterschool. Thought about going home to do some chores/exercise, but ran into Will. I got in a silly mood with him, so that was fun. I don't get in silly moods very often or with very many people, but I love it when people can bring it out in me/put up with it.

Headed home, watched 1.5 Gilmore Girl episodes with Roz, helped unload the Cosco shopping stuff, and ate a yummy chicken dinner with cherries (!) for dessert. Then talked with my mom for a tiny bit after Roz and I convinced Will to come over here to watch Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. These Boch movie nights have been great. Tonight was probably one of the sweetest because I truly did feel free since I'm finally done with APUS as of this morning, the movie was wonderful, I was at home, which was comfy, and it was "nice" (reference to the movie, for those who have seen it) to have a more intimate group of just Roz, Will and me.

I'm just so happy here in my daily life. Okay, so maybe recently hasn't been too typical since we're all frolicking in our senioritis (although I feel that at this point it's not really senioritis because we're so near the end and don't actually have much work we're putting off/not doing), but I just love life here in general. Almost every time I bike to and from school, or go on the train, I'm happy about my independence after having to be driven everywhere for so long. And having close friends who I love and trust. Who I can be serious and silly with. The exhilaration isn't nearly as much as last semester, but I'm still quite content here. It makes me nervous that college won't be able to live up to this fantastic year. The place and my friends here are just amazing. Sure, there have been downs, but I've always felt like I'm living. So now I'm nervous I'll somehow lose that, without the few key people to keep me on track. Ok, who am I kidding. Without Roz. Everybody else plays some sort of role in my life, and I love a lot of you, but seriously, what am I going to do without my best friend/confidant/roommate/everything? Wow, emo alert! Maybe it's cause I'm listening to Coldplay, lol. Or because it's late at night. My favorite time of day (or er, night). Nice and dark and cool. Anyway, as Jess said a few entries ago, I could erase that, but eh, this is me, now. And now I'm off to sleep.

11:13pm:

Hm, what to write about. I'll just be boring and do bullets.

1) I'm updating because I'm waiting for the chat help from the website hosting site to write back. I'm getting into the actual website designing part of my web design job with the photographer which I believe I've mentioned on here sometime or other. I've realized that I don't really know what I'm doing, but it's a good learning experience. Perhaps after this I'll be able to make my own website. Little summer project.

2) I've been sick way too much this year. I was sick on Friday (as in, more than just a cold, fever and everything, which is rare for me), so I missed APUS. Now I have to take it the 24th, which kinda sucks, but oh well, I really wasn't prepared anyway, and Will has said he might study with me ;) Lol. Ellie tested me on four of my MC quizzes tonight, so I feel good that I'm not doing nothing (as in, doing something, yes) to prepare. It feels nice to have at least 3 out of 4 done with.

3) I got a big bouncy exercise ball! hehe. haven't actually used it to exercise properly yet, but it's been fun to bounce/sit on.

4) I'm waiting anxiously for a package from Princeton to arrive. It has a housing questionaire and courses, and perhaps other goodies which have not been mentioned on the facebook group which I've been stalking. I actually ran to the mailbox this afternoon, but alas, it wasn't there. It's nice to have something to look forward to in the mail. I love letters. Real, physical letters. Hint, hint! Lol, s'ok, I'll enjoy reading everybody's LJs anyway, but if anybody ever has an inclination to send a letter...

5) Yoyogi park is really nice! I crashed (well, not really, cause I didn't actually do anything except steal a few cookies) the musical cast party with Roz because I needed to get out of the house, and we had a nice walk around. So beautiful! I want to go there another time or two before I leave.

6) I got a job at the passport program at ASIJ working as an art assistant for grades 2-4, which I'm quite pleased about. I had inquired about the possibility of working for them much earlier in the year and Ms. Rossetto basically told me that there was no chance, as I was kinda far down on a waiting list, but viola, a few days ago she asked me! And not just any job, a job with a good age group and art! yay! She also asked me to bus monitor, which is good in that I'll make another 60,000 (over the three weeks), but bad in that I'll have to be at school at six AM every morning, which really sucks. I also won't get back until about five, so it'll be a long day. Hopefully I'll still be able to have some fun with the people who are still around though.

7) In procrastinating with Jsem, Mod Lit and APUS readings I started sorting through old papers. I got rid of ALL math related papers (well, except notebooks, which I'm still deciding about), and all AP Lit papers, and ALLL college stuff (I had soo much. I was a bit overzealous in my college researching.). That felt good. I was pretty indiscriminate, which was hard. I need to be ruthless when sorting in preperation for leaving/going to college.

8) I'm sure I could think of more things to say but the helper person fixed my problem, so now I'm off to sleep! I get to sleep in tomorrow.... ahh.... lovely.... (I hate thinking that during my 3 week job I'll be having to wake up waaay earlier than I do now... so I won't think of that for now!)

4:55pm: calc/photos
So I got on and was gonna write a rant about calc but now I'm listening to Mika, which just makes me happy. But um, seriously, just for two seconds - I fucked up SO BADLY. that was the worst exam i have ever taken, no exaggeration. i'm still a bit shell shocked from it. combination of the test itself being hard and then me being stupid/not knowing simple things i should have, which just put me in a downward spiral.

and then i had to sort dance photos for the middle schoolers, which i was getting frustrated with (although that was mostly just remnants of being frustrated with calc). thankfully, Cathry was the wonderful, ever helpful/loyal/dependable friend and helped me. Which not only made it faster, but just made me feel better to not feel like I was doing it all myself. yesterday making copies of the photos was reeeally frustrating, and i won't get into the details because it doesn't really matter, but it was a combination of my fault/lack of communication skills. it's the first time this year that not knowing Japanese has really hindered me. Which is kind of sad, and probably a good thing to awaken me to the fact that I am quite the bakka gaijin. this whole photo fundraiser has been a lot more work than it would seem. it's felt good to do something, but it's reminded me of how lovely it's been this year not organizing much. i don't think i'm gonna do it again for the june dance because it's too near when lots of other things will be going on, like my parents visiting, but i think all in all it was a good experience.

sorry this is badly written as well, but i am so brain dead. i didn't realize quite how much AP exams would take out of me, and i'm thinking that i should have studied more in the past week or so for apus because tomorrow (when i was planning on cramming) i'm probably gonna be just as shell-shocked from ap lit. ew. anyway, off to lie down and try to rejuvenate.

5:58pm: You know what I think is an excellent gift? An old sweatshirt, or shirt, from a friend (or actually in the case I'm thinking of family). Whenever you wear it you think of the friend, and the fact that they used it somehow connects the two people... sometimes it even smells of the other person... am I sounding like a crazy person? lol.

Perhaps I'll post later about life but for now I think I'll do some practice AP lit questions.

11:32am: http://www.lushmind.org/rants/wp-content/uploads/2007/04/nowshowingone010-w1.jpg

Omg that would be amazing. This is my muse's (ok muse sounds weird, but he is an inspiration to me) upcoming show. I soo wish I could go.

8:47pm: My day started off well with a smiling Jess surprising me at my locker. Good moods are certainly contagious. She continued to brighten my day afterschool when she kidnapped me from yearbook for 45 minutes. A nice chat, and they didn't really need me in yearbook anyway, so it's all good. Plus, I did stay until six so I put in a good two hours of doing corrections. Well, maybe not a full two hours since I left for a bit and wasn't a 100% on task the whole time, but I did pretty well. Other than that, it was also an awesome day because I didn't really have any school work but I was still semi-productive. I slept in, and then during art I whipped out a draft for a couple essays I had to write for a summer job app (I really want the job so perhaps I should work on the app more, but it felt good to get something done). Then on my calc mock I got a 5, which I was sooo psyched about because I was really honestly worried that I would fail (or at least do terribly) and get a horrible grade and perhaps not be allowed into Princeton. That would be bad. Oh, another nice thing was that I got an enthusiastic email from a Turkish photography major at Princeton. Aerobics was pretty good, we did strength yoga. After dinner I did some more yoga. I'm worried about having a roommate because I like my privacy to do things like yoga.

So, a good day. Now I should study for my apus mock. wahooo.

12:22pm: Question/Truth Game

I've been thinking about what I want to do with my life, and I realized how much the question/truth question game has helped me. For those of you who don't know, it's basically a game where you ask and answer questions with your friends about everything from very silly to very serious. I really love it. Anyway, what I think is very valuable about it is that at least with some of my friends, it makes you think about things you wouldn't normally, and in a no pressure situation. I've thought back to some of my answers which were very off the cuff, very quick, gut answers, and realized how true they were. I often overthink things, so it's good to have had that avenue for thinking/expression where the answers/decisions don't mean anything and can therefore be more truthful.

7:40pm: Thank you!

Thank you so much to all of you who replied to my last couple of whiny posts. I really appeciate it, and you guys have seriously helped tremendously with this process. I'd say I'm at 99% Princeton, just to give myself a bit of leeway in case I suddenly decide to go to Bryn Mawr, which I'm trying not to really even let myself consider anymore because I'm pretty committed to Princeton. I'm gonna have to just get stronger with dealing with people who are stupid about it (for example my cousin, who was talking crap about it and how people just go there for the name).

In other words, pretty normal day except for grades for a couple of assignment pleasantly surprised me. Which was pretty good especially after I did badly on the Jsem essay. I didn't think senioritis would hit me this bad, but guess it has... that said, it's kind of annoying me, so I'm going to be amazing and shut off my computer and study for at least an hour and a half before getting back online.

There was something else I wanted to say. Oh dear I'm feeling so scatterbrained. Oh, I remember! Yearbook kinda sucked. I don't do anything, which is my fault, but eh I just really don't feel like it. Terrible, I know. And on a similar note (afterschool activities), I know a lot of you are in Musical, but would anybody be interested in being my running partner? I probably wouldn't actually run with you as I pretty much suck, but it would be a good motivational thing if we both agreed to get changed and go to the park a couple days a week after school or something. If somebody else were going with me, even just for that first little bit to the park, I'd feel more motivated, and I really do want to get in shape. Just let me know if you'd be interested :)

7:37pm: College... yet again.
Oh dear, here I go again. I was soo excited last night/this morning after deciding on Princeton, but then I started to have my doubts around lunch time. For a stupid reason, just a couple guys talking about how they had only really heard about people being unhappy there, and how there's a large contingency of people called "tools" who have basically lived high school in order to get into a prestigious college. So tonight I started browsing around the Princeton Class of 2011 group to scout out my probably class. Seems like most people applied mostly to Ivies, and their reasons for Princeton are generally because "it's the best." Although I do admit, most seemed to have done their research as well. Here's a list one girl posted about why Princeton:
1. the special emphasize on undergrads
2. the friendly closely-knit community
3. students ranked #2 happy in the nation (first one being brown students?)
4. top-notched faculty who actually teach
5. awesome students
6. gorgeous campus
7. aos replied my e-mails in minutes, while all i got from h/y/s were auto stuff and a bunch of links i had already checked
8. simply the best

But I think I get most of that from Bryn Mawr, and the description of Bryn Mawr ladies just seems to be me to a tee:

"an intense intellectual committment
a desire to make a meaningful contribution to the world
and a purposeful vision to life" (don't really have that yet... but it'll come, it'll come!)

People who go to Bryn Mawr most definitely don't chose it because of the name, but for all the reasons that I love it (and Princeton, reasons above). BUT, it is small. Tiny in fact. It would probably be claustraphobic. But I really don't know. I wish I could just pop on over and visit both places.

I don't know if it was because I knew that I would back out on my decision or what, but last night I solidified my decision in pretty much every way possible. I emailed all of my old teachers to thank them for supporting me and to share my good news about deciding about Princeton. I joined the Facebook groups. I changed my status. I considered wearing a Princeton shirt this morning (ended up thinking that was too pretentious, or maybe I was already starting to doubt myself by that time). Most importantly, I emailed my parents. I was excited. And now I'm going and doubting myself. Why the fuck do I do this to myself? Well I know, it's because I'm a perfectionist and always want to make the "right" decision. But in this case both decisions are "right" and I keep searching for the "righter" one, which perhaps doesn't exist.

So I ask you all, and perhaps there's no answer, but how the fuck can I just stick with a decision? (And I'm sorry for all of you guys who keep hearing about all this college crap incessantly. I swear, it'll be over soon. May 1st at the lastest, hopefully sooner.)

P.S. so amazingly screwed for Jsem. I really hope she doesn't rescind my college rec.

2:55pm: "Novel Computational Studies for the Elucidation of Complex Signal Transduction and Metabolic Pathways"

"Neuroprotective Nature of the Cytoplasmic Prion Protein and Us9 and gE Intracellular Trafficking: An Approach Using Photoactivatable Fluorescent Molecules and Live-Cell Imaging"

Oh how I love Mary (Onions). I came home utterly drained, and she just made me laugh by reading out some of the more obscure/pretentious Princeton Thesis titles (I got a book of them in the mail today). These past two weeks have been so very packed and emotionally draining for me. I kinda feel like shit right now for a ton of reasons. One of them is that I haven't slept enough in a long time. So I'm gonna take a nap.

8:29pm: College
I think I'm now finally distanced enough from the college decisions to write about them. I've been overly emotional about it all, as anybody who's been around me recently would know.

My results were:

Accepted at Bryn Mawr, Princeton, Wesleyan and Sarah Lawrence.
Waitlisted at Brown, Yale and Amherst.

Since I had pretty much decided on Brown I was quite disapointed about being waitlisted there. But what has reeeeally bothered me is that I got into Princeton but not the other competitive schools (Brown, Yale and Amherst), which makes me feel like the only reason I got into Princeton was because of my dad (since he went there). I just absolutely hate thinking that I did not get in on my own merit. If I had gotten in at any of the other competitive schools I wouldn't feel this way. Anyway, after feeling like shit about this the past week I think I'm finally getting past it though. As Jess said, there is no way I can know what went on in the admissions room, and I will never know. And as numerous people have said, I couldn't have gotten in just because of my dad, so there was merit involved. I think I am getting over my guilt, and once I give myself a bit of space I'm gonna need to make a pro/con list between Bryn Mawr and Princeton because those are the two I'm deciding between since I haven't visited Wesleyan or Sarah Lawrence and wouldn't feel comfortable going there without visiting (makes me wonder why I even applied...) It feels good to have decided not to pursue Brown though. That would just be too emotionally stressful for me because I wouldn't find out until May 20th at the earliest.

Currently I'm pissed at myself for not asking if I could miss a day of school to hang out with Sophia earlier. Because if I had gotten the slip today then I could have done it, but I was stupid and hadn't asked earlier for one reason or another (Mary being mad at us for missing the last train, telling us that Krony was in a pissy mood, going to Kich...). And now Sophia only has two days left and she's gonna be gone downtown all day tomorrow and is sleeping over at the Forsters. So I'll see her Friday, but that's it, and I haven't been able to have an intense conversation with her yet and don't think I'll have time alone with her. And I thought I might be seeing her again this summer but apparently there was a misunderstanding because when we were chatting with Rachel Pruessing she said she had come to Japan because we couldn't really figure anything out for the summer. Ugh. This is bad I'm in a pissy mood even with her here.

9:34am: Lots of great times

List of all the wonderful things that have happened recently so that I don't forget, especially with all the exciting things that are coming up that could slightly overshadow the still wonderful moments of the past weekish.

- Last Friday.... goodness I'm forgetting already! Oooh, right, the depressing Friday. After a week of being sick, my first day back at school, didn't feel too hot and then didn't have any plans for the weekend. How is this a good thing you may ask? BUT, after posting all angsty on LJ, Emily Conn made my week by giving me a call to chat. First of all it was super nice of her to take the initiative to call in response to my post, and it was also just really nice to get a chance to talk to her. I like her. AND she helped me with Calc, so I give her most of the credit for my B+ on the test, which I was quite pleased about. I also watched a good movie with Mary (Onions): Bossa Nova, which I got for Christmas. It's a romantic comedy set in Rio, and it made me miss it a bit. I love Brazilian music, and Rio certainly is gorgeous. "I just really don't understand how you could give up that for Tama." - Mary. Then I was gonna get an early night but ended up talking with Jess, which was really nice cause I hadn't seen her all week.

- Saturday - while everybody was off at Musical I... god I have such a terrible memory. Oh yes! I strangely and annoyingly woke up early (something crazy like 7:30) even though I had gone to sleep late. Read in bed for a bit, then did an hour yoga podcast, which was surprisingly good. Made brownies for GSSA, took a nap, worked on JSem, went to school to drop off my brownies, where I indecisevely hovered a bit too long trying to decide whether to go swing dancing or not. I say "too long" because I ended up being quite late to swing dancing (although so was everybody else) and subsequently missed the beginning lesson, which was a shame. Well, I was also late cause I got on one of the wrong trains and Roz had phoned from Luxenberg right before I was leaving the house. So, anyway, swing dancing. It wasn't quite as great as the last time because I felt like I reeeally didn't know what I was doing. Not that I really did last time, but the combo of it being the second time and not having the lesson made me feel worse. It was still really fun, don't get me wrong, but I just had more fun the first time.

- Sunday = jsem. Didn't actually start writing, but got ideas for what to write about, lol. Lots of notes. Oh and another lovely yoga podcast.

- Monday through Thursday = jsem. lol. What else did I do? Hm. Oooh, calc test. Lol, exciting life, I know I know. On Thursday I really enjoyed hearing the Wikipedia guy talk though. It really is a revolutionary concept. But then AFTER Jsem comes the really exciting part.... Coffeehouse!! I love those, I really do. I especially loved hearing Parado, even more than the last and first time I did at the last coffeehouse. I think I liked the selection more, plus I know the people better so it was amazing to hear them pour their hearts into something they really care about. QtG was quite amazing too though. And Lui and Emi. And the quartet. Aww shucks, pretty much everybody! I snuck out for Wayne and Budge's band for a bit and hung out in Krauth's room where nobody could see me stretching, doing some yoga and then dancing. I miss jazz dancing so much.

Just another moment in there that was fun - chatting with Will very early in the morning while we were both finishing up our jsem papers, being silly and giggling. Or at least, I was giggling :)

I've also discovered a new artist I love - Liz Phair. When I find somebody I really love I tend to listen to them over and over again, so that's the stage I'm at with her right now, especially her first album. Does anybody else know/like her?

- Friday = excited. I was in SUCH a good mood, especially during Activity. Luckily I found Will to be all bouncy off of/towards, which was very fun. It was such a gorgeous day, and I was really excited to just be outside and for seeing Catherine/Zhaleh/Sophia. I also checked quite a few things off my to-do list and finally straightened my locker, very good things indeed. I forgot my camera battery recharger though, which SUCKS. I almost bought a new recharger in the airport I was so desperate, but withstrained myself. I am really upset with myself for that though, because I'm sure I'll be seeing a lot of new and exciting things I'll want to take photos of.

Roger (Onions) kindly drove me to the airport (more of an excuse to drive the Gottersons so they could accept a ride, but still, twas nice). I bought soo much food as presents for the families I'm staying with in the airport... goodness, like 5,000 worth. Okay now I'm just blabbering, sorry this entry is so incredibly long and I still don't know how to do an lj cut. You'll just have to scroll down if you don't want to read. But if you're reading this than you already read all that, haha.

Anyway, got to Catherine Ward's place (in Singapore) by about three, and although I was bouncing off the walls she was kinda tired so I just took a shower while she went to bed. Then I woke up early, I guess cause I'm excited to be here, hence the long post.

Ooooh, but the wonderful way in which I started my day was opening up not one but TWO college acceptance emails!!! From Sarah Lawrence and Bryn Mawr, my two safeties, so not tooo exciting, but still, I was pretty happy, especially considering that I was thinking that my first two decisions would be the ones next Friday - Brown and Princeton. So now even if I don't get in there now I do know I'm going somewhere. Not that I really doubted that, but I dunno, it's just nice. I'm still really really nervous about B+P though. They both had a record number of applicants this year. eeeeek.

Well any Catherine is fiiiinally awake, so I'm off.

Btw, I just told a guy from Brazil who asked whether I had a bf that I wouldn't because I'm gay and he put the :S msn face.

4:44pm: It's times like these when I realize how dependent I am on good health and Roz.

After being home three days I crave social interaction, but can't fulfill that need for a few reasons. First of all, although I would bike to Musash or wherever and then go downtown, I don't think I should bike because of my current situation, which essentially means I'm homebound. Well, I could go somewhere if I took the bus, but that definitely limits my options/timeframe. I feel stuck out in the boondocks. Which usually I don't mind, but when I can't bike it sucks. Second, I'm usually dependent on Roz to figure out what that crowd is doing. But I seem to becoming more distant from them recently anyway, yet not too much closer to anybody else. I dunno, I'm just feeling lonely. Especially since I don't think the rest of my weekend will be very fun. I'd love to go swing dancing, I really would, I really want to go, but I'm still kinda sick and I tend to push myself and get myself sick again, which I absolutely cannot do because I must be well for Spring Break and the week after that. 

I'd really love if somebody could just pop on over to my house, but unfortunately I don't think that's gonna happen :( If anybody feels the slightest inclination to come over just give me a call! Or even Kich; I could make it that far. Bleh sorry this is a whiny post. But to continue the whining for just another second, I hate having missed the calc test. I am so screwed for whenever I make that test up, and I feel like I shouldn't pester people any more asking for help since they've already taken it. You know right before the test how everybody's studying? So now that's passed, which sucks. Okay stopping the self-pity now. Bye.

7:00pm:

Monday began my latest sickness episode. I went to the doctor after school to get zillions of pills, then off to home and bed I went. Tuesday I went in early, planning on studying for the Calc test, but I felt so terrible that I literally cried as I dizzily sat myself down. So off to home I went, where I've been since then, mostly in bed. I was planning on going to school tomorrow as I am feeling much better than yesterday (when I pretty much slept the entire day away), but the Onions parents both suggested I stay home again to finally rid myself of this sickness, whatever it may be, once and for all. I started to get dizzy after standing for just five minutes this evening, so I guess I'll agree with their advice. My dizziness has continued even lying in bed, which is weird. If I'm feeling well enough tomorrow then hopefully I can work because I already had tons of stuff to do and now I'm going to have makeup work on top of that. Plus, Friday will be a big day - Mod Lit in class essay, AP US FRQ, should have at least an outline of my Jsem essay for Krauth, and then Calc test makeup afterschool... so I seriously hope I'm feeling better tomorrow.

10:40pm: Hanging with the Bochi crew yesterday after the band concert was the highlight of my week. WAAA (wa wa wa), Yehaaw, and making faces, oooh yeah. So much fun. I also got laughed at for a couple things: not knowing what charts (not the obvious kind, the music kind) and then saying, "We could go home and work!" right before we played the face game that Will made up. I felt part of the group (probably because I'm close with most of the individuals within the group), which was lovely.

Sorry I'm too tired to really type any more, but I'd just like to remind people of the challenges/questions from those memes awhile back. I just finished up doing them for everybody who asked, but noticed that some of my questions went unanswered. But perhaps I should just ask y'all in person :)

I'll see most of you at speech tomorrow.